4 to 5 Years

The year before kindergarten is a time of transition for a 4-to-5-year-old child. Babyhood is long gone. This age child still lacks the experiences and social-emotional maturity to always make good decisions. It does no good to become angry with a child for doing something incorrectly. Think of it as another learning opportunity for your child. As she becomes better able to control her feelings and interact with others with words, she is gaining invaluable skills in negotiation and self-control.

During this year, your child will continue her phenomenal growth in language ability. You are her primary language model. Show how words, letters, and numbers are connected and how important they are in your life. For example, make a trip to the grocery store a learning experience by asking your child to show you all the red vegetables or find the number 5 on a price sign. When you hear your child make errors (for example, saying “mouses” instead of “mice”), simply repeat it correctly without drawing attention to the mistake. Many of these mistakes will be self-corrected at a later stage.

Children at this age will also have a better understanding of the power of words and may experiment with rejecting others, making verbal threats, and bossing others around. It is important that adults are nearby when children are playing to intervene when words become hurtful and isolate one or more children. Adults should take such isolation seriously and help the isolated child to find her own words to express her feelings to others.

Your child will also be very interested in responsibilities and will enjoy helping with chores. Find meaningful ways that she can help. Small jobs, such as helping to set the table or sorting the socks in the laundry, help teach responsibility as well as intellectual skills.

Physical Development

As your child’s first teacher, you can:

• Encourage your child to pick out her own clothes and get dressed without help and to help around the house. Praise all efforts – even when clothes don’t match or are buttoned unevenly.
• Prepare and have meals with your child and show her how to use a spoon, fork, and table knife.
• Teach your child safety rules like using 911, looking both ways before crossing a street, and walking inside.
• Provide puzzles, blocks, markers, and pencils to practice fine motor skills.
• Provide opportunities to play outdoors on safe, soft surfaces in activities that encourage running, jumping, and climbing.
• Encourage your child to write her name and draw.

Typical 5-year-old Milestones

• Shows characteristics of good health such as actively participating in movement, visual, and hearing activities
• Shows interest in health and safety issues by washing hands, naming healthy foods, and talking about safety rules
• Dresses, cleans up messes, and takes care of toileting needs independently
• Moves forwards and sideways, stopping and starting with balance and control
• Uses eye-hand coordination to accomplish many fine motor tasks such as cutting, constructing, and putting together puzzles
• Uses pencils, scissors, and paint brushes using a mature grasp
• Attempts to write her name

Language Development

As your child’s first teacher, you can:

• Read signs and billboards as you travel through the neighborhood, pointing out letters and numbers.
• On a trip to the grocery store, show your child the connection between words and things.
• Help your child get a library card and start using it.
• Read to your child and then ask her to tell you the story.
• Encourage your child to draw pictures and tell stories about the pictures. Write down her words.

Typical 5-year-old Milestones

• Listens attentively and understands the meaning of a message
• Uses longer and more complex sentences and participates actively in discussions
• Enjoys books and develops preferences in certain topics or authors
• Shows understanding of print by pointing to words and “writing” stories from left to right
• Begins to sound out simple words and associate the correct sound with many letters
• Enjoys representing stories through pictures and play and dictates stories about a picture

Intellectual Development

As your child’s first teacher, you can:

• Give your child quiet time for coloring, playing or just thinking.
• Ask your child to look at you when you give instructions and to repeat them back to you.
• Encourage your child to play imaginative games like being a teacher or an astronaut.
• Prepare for unexpected events like getting lost in a store – have your child explain to you what she would do and say.
• Practice carrying out a series of instructions. For example, tell your child to put away a toy, brush her teeth and get ready for bed.

Typical 5-year-old Milestones

• Shows interest in problem-solving and represents their thinking using math words like “more,” “taller,” “thicker,” “smallest,” or geometric shapes
• Enjoys making patterns, sorting, and comparing
• Can count objects up to at least 20 and may be able to count by rote up to 100
• Shows interest in measurements like comparing weights or using time concepts
• Enjoys observing, exploring, and describing objects, weather, and living things
• Begins to understand similarities and differences in people, past and present, and places
• Has an understanding of the reasons for rules

Social/Emotional Development

As your child’s first teacher, you can:

• Show your child how to get along with other people by setting a good example.
• Help your child develop good problem-solving skills by using negotiation with her regarding an activity. (“You want to go to Tanya’s house, and I want you to clean up your room. Is there a way we can negotiate and work this out?”)
• Provide lots of opportunities to play with other children. Talk about friendships and what you do to stay
  friends.
• Expect good behavior and praise your child for it. Go light on the criticism if you haven’t explained what’s expected.
• Prepare your child for changes by explaining what will happen.

Typical 5-year-old Milestones

• Shows self-confidence by expressing emotions appropriately and shows a willingness to try new experiences
• Can follow group rules and shows respect for materials and others
• Makes transitions between home and school and activities without anxiety
• Enjoys playing cooperatively with other children, is able to compromise and offer suggestions
• Engages easily with adults and shows a sense of community by helping in group situations
• Uses a variety of problem-solving strategies, but seeks out and needs adult help at times

Toys for Learning

• Lots of pretend play materials – washable dolls and stuffed toys with accessories, dress-up materials, housekeeping items, puppets, and transportation toys
• Sand and water play materials
• Wooden and hollow blocks, more types of interlocking blocks
• Puzzles (30-50 pieces), card games, and simple board games
• Pattern-making materials like pegboards, stringing beads (smaller sizes), or color cubes
• Dressing, lacing, stringing, and weaving materials
• Lots of picture and pop-up books
• Art materials – crayons, markers, paper, clay/dough, glue and collage materials
• Workbench with woodworking materials (hammer, saw, nails – used with supervision)
• Musical materials – instruments, recorded music
• Push and pull toys and large and small balls
• Ride-on equipment with pedals, wagons, scooters
• Climbing and sliding equipment with soft surface underneath

A Few Book Suggestions

• Amazing Grace by Mary Hoffman a wonderful story of being yourself despite what others say
• The Legend of the Poinsettia by Tomie DePaola reinterpretation of a beautiful story from Mexico which tells how the poinsettia came to be
• Dr. Seuss books children love the funny rhymes and making up their own
• Something from Nothing by Phoebe Gilman a retelling of a traditional Jewish folktale proves that it is possible to find something from nothing
• The Relatives Came by Cynthia Rylant a warm look at a family get-together
• Something Good by Robert Munsch a fun story about a father’s trip to the grocery store with his children

Fears

All children go through periods of fear. It is a normal part of their development. It also gets the parents’ attention and support. Although you cannot stop your child from being fearful, you can help her to take the fears less seriously and learn from them.

Fears usually crop up at periods of new and rapid learning when new abilities can throw a child off balance. As the child learns to handle the fears, she learns to handle the new spurt in learning.

Without realizing it, parents can fuel fears. When your child wakes up crying about monsters in her room, you may remember your own childhood fears and overdo the comfort. Your child may sense your anxiousness and become even more fearful.

A better approach is to stay calm. Listen to your child, let her know that all children have fears from time to time, and reassure her that she will learn to overcome her fears. Allow her to be dependent at times and cuddle with a “lovey,” and also reinforce when she shows bravery. Talk about why she may be afraid (“You are learning something new, and it’s natural to be worried.”)

As your child works through her fears, she will also successfully master her new spurt in development. Your calmness and reassurance will have been a key to her success.